To whom it may concern:

I would like to withdraw my request to become an adult.  I know it’s what I said I wanted, but I have changed my mind. It is not all it is cracked up to be.  I don’t want to be in charge of all this stuff.  I don’t want to make all these hard decisions. Everyone wants me to solve all their problems and answer all their questions.  They can’t find anything either.

I spend the majority of my day trying to get to the point of starting on what I was planning on doing that day. And the next day, I do it all over again.  You don’t even need time lapse photography.  You can see all of my efforts being undone before your eyes. You need look no further than the kitchen sink to see this phenomenon take place.  I don’t even know what to do with free time. I am so used to a triage situation that I can’t even decide what to do when I get to choose.

I am expected to know things I have no way of knowing for reasons I cannot possibly understand. How much time must pass between sleepovers to assure a child is still a resident of your address?  How many math problems do you have to work through before you are considered the student? How long does your husbands laundry have to remain on top of his dresser before you just decide that is where it belongs?

And these people think they need dinner every stinking day!  When you ask them what they would like for dinner,  they have no idea.  Luckily, they have eaten most of the ingredients for all the possibilities that you can think of so, peanut butter omelettes it is!

Then, there is the unfortunate circumstance that everything needed to keep us alive requires money.  That is a real bother. Paying bills is a real downer. Being an adult requires math.  Whose idea was that? When I was a child, I didn’t have to worry about that stuff.  It was someone else’s problem.  Guess what? I’m some else now and there is no end in sight.

When I was a kid, my parents were concerned with whether or not I got enough sleep. I was told to go to bed and I did.  I no longer get this sort of consideration and on the rare occasion that I do decide to nap, I can’t do it.  There is either a doorbell or the phone or a dog barking at seemingly nothing or I can’t shut off my brain that keeps running through my to-do list without my permission.

What I miss most about not being an adult are the childhood priorities and expectations. As a child, friends and fun took priority over all.  I didn’t miss out on life because the laundry wasn’t done or the floor wasn’t mopped.  I would have chosen time with friends over chores every time if my mom had allowed it.  Nowadays, the laundry wins far more often than it should.  Somehow, in my mind, my value as an adult is somehow related to the number of things that get checked off of the endless to-do list that I create for myself.  I know checking these items off is not going to get me into heaven and when I am gone I’m not sure I want “She really did her chores.” to be what those close to me remember.

I would never want to give up the life that I have.  I love having my own kids and my own house and my own husband.  But, I do need to remember my child self and give her some credit for having had some things figured out that I struggle with as an adult.

Let me start this over:

Dear Me,

Settle down, put your list away once in a while, have cereal for dinner, have fun, hug those kids, take a nap.

You are welcome,

Me